As you go through life at every age, your sense of individuality grows. That sounds like a sensible statement, right? Well, not for me has it been important to write down the importance of personal values ever before than now, at the age of 23 years. And though I have never made so much as a mental list of these personal values, I will try my best to bring them out on this digital paper right from my surprisingly still analog heart. I think it would be surely be neato to make a post about these values, instead of hunting them in my older writing to remember who I was, and instead just write about who I am right now. And as the importance of the often-overlooked present over the constantly-thought-of-by-many past continues to surface in my occasional meditations, I feel like this is the right to do.
So to begin, the core of my being lies in the idea of universal acceptance and kindness. I struggle with insecurity as any other insecure person does, and this insecurity helps hateful thoughts infiltrate my mind often times. But every occasion that a hateful thought finds its place in my mind, there is a constant guard that checks it, and makes me realise the obvious insecurity that invites it in. And though this hateful thought may seem arguably at home, its not welcome here. I can sometimes even be resentful towards myself for letting a hateful thought enter my mind, but that should never be the case. Because like any other person that is insecure, I am only human. Making silly assumptions should be looked upon as just silly mistakes, and no mistake should ever be held up against anything that is human. Therefore, this important value of acceptance should not only be applied to other humans, but also should be applied to the human within. I struggle to have an identity, but maybe the whole concept having an identity, or building one is so absurd. Isn’t every human being an identity in itself? Shouldn’t that be painfully obvious? Everyone has a brain. Everyone has the traditional metaphorical heart. So naturally everyone has an identity, there shouldn’t be any question about that. And as the maturity that comes with the attitude of acceptance, so comes the intellect of examining and understanding the identities of other human beings.
Another Important value for me is to be polite to people. I gotta admit, I am not very good at this. But often times I do remind myself of that there are troubles that other people also go through in their lives and there are pains they may be carrying. All it takes is one attack to bring them down if I am not careful with my words. And most often we aren’t. We are quick to use words as weapons. These are just mistakes that us human are prone to commit. But as a rule, we must make sure that we don’t act too out of the line. Mutual respect & courtesy find very much their place in this value. While I may sound like a saintly Guru Kid-wannabe, I can’t pretend like these are meaningless boring values. Believe me, my insecurity doesn’t help me in trying to be nice, but being mean spirited, being straight up rude is not acceptable where such spirit is not due. I’m smart enough to figure out what consists of fun and what consists of bullying and meanness. We all posses that mental faculty, simple distinguishment. (Yes, that’s a word).
These ValuesTM don’t define me, they are an extension of the person I am and the person I’d like to be. Although I would like it if I manage to incorporate them in my life enough for other people to notice them and be inspired to be the same with me and others. A kid can dream.
Now that we’ve moved passed the values socially-imagined as moral, let’s move towards values that should be socially contextualised and adopted in place of the preexisting ones. And the first one of them is …(drum roll)… Not giving up! Not ever giving up on a good cause. On an honest cause, on a positive, helpful cause. I have had a history of getting quickly disheartened. And although that tendency continues, an equal opposing force of picking myself up helps me out and gets me running back on track again. I don’t know about you, but to me it looks like individuals in the world today are getting more demotivated by the day. It sure would do them real good if they learned to just take that one step toward not only disobeying the bad part of their minds, but defying it with a vengeance! This kind of ‘superpower’ is acquirable through one of those things we spoke about up there- being kind to yourself. When you have your back, literally nobody in the world can make you feel bad, most importantly, not even you. This is the value that we should be taught as children in school. For all of us face adversities in our lives, and not giving up in the face of adversity is the right thing to do.
While we move on our righteous path in a non-righteous world of human-made meaning, the next value, perhaps the most-important one is something that should be treated with the highest important. It may not always be easy to follow this one. But it’s the most liberating one. Honesty. The toughest value of them all, ironically one that come through the gentlest of way. Just by not being the great pretender. Oh yes, we all are the great pretenders! Especially those sitting on those big, high chairs, pretending they know the “truth”. I struggle with honesty, because you see, once again I include my insecurity into the life equation. Insecurity is unfortunately a biggie in my life. (And still every time I write insecurity I spell is as insequrity). Being honest with other people can be difficult for me when I tend to avoid other people for the most part! Being honest to myself can be hard because that would mean telling myself that I do avoid people, that I am scared of interaction, I worry about my image, that other people will see me for the fraud that I am, that no one will like me, th- wait, hold on a second. Do you see that? After half way through those honest confessions, I steered along the insecurity part! I started saying bad things about me! And the craziest part is, I am not even a fraud! That makes it the very opposite of the value this paragraph speaks of… it’s dishonest! And the truth is, I’d like for everyone to know me for the real person that I am! Funny how even whilst being honest to myself, I can become wrapped-up in disheartening lies. That’s why the struggle with honesty is real. Honesty can make you vulnerable. You let your guard down that has kept the real you hidden from everyone else. But it’s far from being undefeatable. (Certainly a word). The way to defeat insecurity, the big baddie, is through a combination of these values.
- First up is Not giving up on you. You are the good cause to fight for, and for your own sake, do not give up on yourself. The bad thought that is in your mind, it’s just a thought as any. In your head everything is a mere non-physical idea. It’s certainly not a big giant cloud of dust and volcanic ash to run away from, no. It’s just a thought. Don’t give up on you.
- Next up is Being Kind to Yourself. When you hear your brain being mean to you, you gotta take control and tell yourself that that’s not true. The bad thing you said isn’t something you can just shamelessly say to someone. It’s just not a smart thing to do to anybody. The pain that saying something bad inflicts on that person is not something that you would want to go through. So why deliberately call yourself all the things that you wouldn’t call someone else? Be Polite to yourself. Respect yourself.
- Third up is actually a value I haven’t still written about in this post – Self-awareness. It actually comes under honesty, but the reason why I must write it separately here is that self-awareness can help you when honesty is compromised. Having an understanding of your presence, your self-worth, your individuality, your creativity, and learning and reviewing the many different thoughts that your mind circulates each day are some of the things that make-up self-awareness. With self-awareness, you can easily identify when you’re going off-track and start saying bad things about yourself. Self-awareness is not something that will instantly make you feel good, but it can help you identify your current state of being. By reviewing your thought, if you come to the conclusion that you are not actually doing so bad after all, you become more aware of the good things in your life. But through self-awareness if you find out you are actually doing really badly, well now you know for sure. You know you mind is wounded and the next step is to take care of it. What do you do? Go back to value one. Be kind to yourself. Change your mental dialog from mean and sad to encouraging and positive. A little positive reinforcement goes a long way. Do not speak to yourself the way you wouldn’t want to be spoken to by someone else.
And for the final thing, I’m going to write about the importance of Change. As I, or you, incorporate these values in our lives, we bring about a certain change in the place of what stood before them. Change, the only constant in the universe. Change is something to strive for, yet, change doesn’t need our efforts to bring it. It just brings itself. There are an infinite number of different changes, just as there are an infinite number of phase in our lives. When we see some change in our lives that we can stand by, we must welcome it. If it’s a bad change that scares us, we must strive to change the change itself. Because everything in life is possible, and being happy is no exception. If there is something I would like to change, it’s the silly one-dimensional notions of happiness and sadness. We can’t go on living, thinking that these are concrete states of being in our incredibly complex lives. We have far too much to be concerned about than just that. So relax, settle down. Try to learn more things about you, find out what makes you you. You are you, whether you help it or not. Might as well try to make yourself the person you want to be. And if you’re still feeling powerless, and maybe kindness just can’t bring your spirits up, never ever give up. The next change is right around the corner. You might as well wait it out, because this too shall pass.